A Glimpse at Lost Loves… or a Really Bad Wine List?

My passionate love affair with Pinot noir continues, yet each time after she’s gone, I wonder if I’ll ever see her again. Why does she torture me so? Lying there alone, savoring what we just shared, I still taste her exquisite beauty on my lips and feel her warmth in my body. I’m brusquely awakened from my intoxicated state of euphoria by sudden flashes of past loves appearing before my eyes; I realize it’s more like a glimpse at a really bad wine list.

You might call me a lush; yes, over the years, I’ve sipped from a few ‘bad’ bottles. Back in high school, if you really must know, it was always about quantity over quality. I probably shouldn’t share my dirty little secret with you, but my first time was actually a threesome… me, Bartles and James. The three of us played drinking games long into the night, getting into all kinds of mischief (not to mention the ritual hanging our heads together over the porcelain bowl of disgrace). We were completely shameless, doing it in public places, sometimes even with a crowd around us. Our cheap and taudry affair lasted too long… until college, when I met my first (real?) love.

While my peers were guzzling beer from the keg, I was chasing after this frilly pink label that caught my eye. She was racy, flirty and they called her White Zinfandel. We had a lot of fun and sometimes, when I added bubbles to the party, she’d get really crazy! We were inseparable and she somehow kept me interested for a time. I soon realized she mostly just gave me a headache. No, she wasn’t the one for me, so I wrote her a Dear Zin letter and went in search of something more genuine.

One day, when I least expected it, there he was staring at me from across the red and white checkerboard tablecloth, Mr. Genuine himself… Sangiovese. By the glow of the candlelight he looked magnificent… all rustic and Old-World. Our conversation flowed easy as a bottle of fine wine and the two of us were comfortable, enjoying each other’s company as if time no longer existed. But you know those Italians, he was a bit of a heartbreaker and we inevitably parted ways. We’re still great friends though and even see each other from time to time over a big hearty bowl of pasta.

After a few months of chocolate and self-indulgence, I briefly opened myself up to Tempranillo, but quickly realized he was just a rebound guy (his woodsy style just wasn’t a match for me either and we both knew I was meant to explore other loves). That’s when I met Chardonnay. We dated for a bit, but the chemistry just wasn’t there either—I guess blondes don’t really do it for me, and besides, she was really only fun with dinner. So there I was, alone again.

One day, I finally let my friend Kathleen set me up — she swore we’d hit it off, and she was right. That night, over take-out pizza, Merlot and I made a deep connection. He was smooth and easy and we seemed to have an immediate and unspoken understanding. We went along happy for many years… that is, until I moved to Oregon and discovered Pinot noir.

Pinot noir and I really became intimate while I was working in the wine industry; one look was all it took, and it was if no other wine had ever existed before. Sounds a bit corny, like lust at first sight, but sometimes you just know these things. I knew there was something special about this wine and I just couldn’t and didn’t want to ignore it. I let her seduce me, which she did so many times and on so many levels—filling all five of my senses with her essence. Our affair began with an incomparable intensity; I couldn’t get enough of her. Some things are just meant to be continued. But she remains elusive and, at best, minimal indulgence is all I’ve enjoyed so far. And while my feelings for Pinot noir may be hot and heavy today, I imagine the day may soon come when that spell is broken. Perhaps I’ll finally tire of the pursuit. With so many great wines flaunting themselves at me daily, it’s quite frankly hard to resist all the temptations. And who knows, perhaps it’s time to start exploring the wine shelf again and see if another varietal sparks my attention the way my sexy little Pinot did. Until we sip again…

Cheers!

If I'm Pinot Noir, What Wine Are You?

“So, I was wondering, what Pinot Noir am I?” recently asked a friend. I told him first and foremost, he couldn’t possibly be Pinot Noir, because I am. But if you know anything about me by now, you know this conversation got the rusty old wheels turning. So, if I’m Pinot Noir (click here to see Pinot Noir’s qualities from my last post), what varietal of wine are you?

Do you have a knack for levity and tendency to lighten the moment with your witty presence? Why you must be Chardonnay!

Perhaps you’re Cabernet Franc… strong, masculine and most likely smelling like a combination of an old fogies’ stogie, moss and a leather armchair.

Sangiovese, you little Earth mama you. Expect to see this lass laden down with a rustic basket full of sun-ripened fruit and savory spices. She’s a bit hippy-like and often smells of campfire. Sometimes people call her crunchy, savory, or even acidic.

Riesling, you could be named Sybil, Eve (or Gewurztraminer for that matter), there are so many facets to you. One minute you’re sweet as honey and the next, you’re bone dry… no one will ever figure you out (but that won’t stop them from trying). You’re genuine, expressive, full of lively personality and you play well with food (wink, wink).

Oh yes, you have a reputation Pinot Grigio, but people just don’t know the real you. They misjudge you—think you lack character and backbone. Don’t worry my sweet; there are many who see your inner beauty.

If you see yourself as sharp, with an etched profile and would categorize yourself as “green”… you might be Sauvignon Blanc. If you enjoy casual hikes in the stone-filled, countryside or through tall, warm grasses while chewing on sprigs of herbs… you just might be Sauvignon Blanc.

Ever been called a wolf in sheep's clothing? Well, that would mean you’re Zinfandel. You look simple, but most of time, you’re just downright hot.

You’re easy-going, sometimes a bit soft but an all-around nice person. You may have been a bit of a wallflower growing up. When your mom described you, it was always how you were not like someone else (“Oh that Merlot, she’s definitely no Pinot or Syrah.”).

Speaking of Syrah: Syrahs are excellent muti-taskers; they work hard to show how diverse they can be. A bit like liquid incense… they’re exotic, heady and anything but one-dimensional. They love Autumn with its dried leaves and fruits and live for stews, slow-simmered braised meats and long walks in the rain.

People wouldn’t know it to look at you, but you really pack a punch. Yes, you may look like a poodle, but you’re all boxer. You have a wicked streak and sometimes come across to others as bitter… but you’re getting better with age. Your name is Nebiolo.

Viognier, with your Botticelli-like figure… you’re pure hedonism, lying there in pools of musk and honey, decadently feeding your lovers overly ripe apricots, guava, mango and passion fruit all day.

Oh, Muscat, you’re just a mimbo (male bimbo). You have a maturity about you but take pleasure in seducing all the old ladies with your predictably sweet perfumes.

Ahhhhhh, then there’s Cabernet Sauvignon—powerful, structured and intelligent, yet opulent, sensual and downright provocative—worth holding on to. You and your mysterious aura—with your mischievously spicy side—if only I could really get to know you. You’re utterly luscious and possess a profoundly captivating persona—mmmmmm, intoxicating. Oh baby, where have you been all my life?

Or maybe you’re just more of a mutt after all. A mixture of many different varietals… a blend, a cuvee, like Bordeaux. You’re classic, sophisticated and savvy, yet fun and always full of surprises.

I’ve taken the liberty of exploring a few wine personality types, but with an alphabet full of varieties, I could go on forever (I’ll spare you). If you haven’t identified with one of these, tell me what I’ve missed and which wine you are. In the end, take to heart the real beauty lies in attraction. Just like people, every once in a while you meet a wine so appealing and so mind-boggling, it quite possible changes your life forever. Until we sip again…

Cheers!